Two Years~

I love pink. I love believing in faieries. I love looking in the mirror and seeing a healthier woman than this time last year. Today is the second anniversary of the accident and it's been a beautiful day. For those of you that don't know me, I'll save that story for another time. Suffice to say, don't take it for granted that routine outpatient procedures will go as planned!

There's only bits and pieces I remember of that first year. First there was the 70 day 'sleep' and then seven more days being weaned off the ventilator. One terrifying night in the rehab center, only to cry my way into our home the next day. Johnny brought me home on our 23rd wedding anniversary.

Then the drug withdrawal and the recovery period. Five weeks of in home physical therapy learning to walk, to climb steps, reteaching myself how to write and care for myself. Doing crossword puzzles to help my brain reconnect with words and sentences. By the middle of October I was out of the adult diapers (ugh!), able to get into the shower without help, both drainage bags had been removed and the wounds beginning to heal. The trach wound was finally closed and I didn't whistle when I talked.

The second year I began gaining back the 40 pounds I lost. Well, okay, so I didn't need to gain alllll of it back. But I'm on the upper upper side of middle age and it does NOT come off easily. {Some would say I'm on the younger side of senior citizenship, but I'm not.} {Really! I'm not.}

Johnny still looks at me at times as if he's afraid I'll vanish. When I don't feel good, or the days when I simply need to sleep, I see the fear in his eyes. My family and friends suffered and it was doubled with the fact that we were in Birmingham and not Montgomery. I slept through it all. There were nightmares, oh horrid nightmares brought on when they weaned me from the paralytic medicine. But mostly I just slept. I remember crying and begging Johnny and Jenny to take me home. That was so traumatic for them. I remember seeing Nelson at the foot of my bed, standing there with his big smile meant just for me. I remember Leslie cupping my face in her hands, getting real close, and repeating, "Nancy, you're going to be alright. You're really going to be alright." And I was. And each day was easier.

There's still problems that may never go away. I forget things, and when a trigger moment brings a rush of feelings, there's what I call 'zinger headaches' that create speech problems, interrupts my thought process, and I become extremely ADD ~ and I used to be so ADHD!! But I'm back with my family and my friends and life is vibrant. It saddens me that others suffered while I slept, but it strengthens me to know that my family is much stronger now because of it. I know they will endure and they will live, prosper, and be happy. And that comforts me.