This Halloween, I will be practicing a fair redistribution of candy with trick-or-treaters that come to my house. We're just trying to spread the wealth around a little.
* Trick-or-treaters who have under 50 pieces of candy in their bag will receive 10 pieces.
* Trick-or-treaters who have between 50 and 100 pieces will receive 5 pieces of candy.
* Trick-or-treaters who have between 100 and 150 will receive nothing and I will probably take candy away from you next year, but I want your support now so I'm not going to mention that.
* If you have over 150 pieces, I will take away half of your candy and require you to provide candy to all of your friends that have under 50 pieces. If you do not give your friends candy, then I will take away the rest of your candy and give it to them myself.
* If you have no candy at all, I'll give you 25 pieces of candy and a college scholarship.
Your loving neighbor,
Thank you, Chad, for this so-true-it's-scary scenario!! As Chad ended his post, "WAKE UP, AMERICA!"