I Love This Doctor~

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovacular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it ... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and veggies?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: If you have one body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is No Pain ... Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO cocoa beans! Another vegetable!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' IS a shape!

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intentions of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Dr. Pepper in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, worn out and screaming, "WhooHoo, what a ride!!!"

AND for those of you who continue to watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

*The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans*
*The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans*
*The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans*
*The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans*
*The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat a lot of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans*
So eat and drink what you like. Apparently, speaking English kills you.

The above was found on several places online and is making the email trail. I was not able to document the originator, but I sure like his/her thinking and yes, I love House~nmh


Heather said...

Ohhhh I just love House too!! I am addicted. And I really love the take on food/nutrition! Hmmm...I think I will adopt those habits---wait I already have...ok then no need to change them. :) Love you bunches!!!

Kristi said...

Aw, man. When you said your favorite Dr., I thought you meant me... :)

Lynne Griffies said...

I absolutely love, love, love this post! tooooooooooo funny--it really had me laughing. And I needed to laugh! Thanks girlfriend. Love you!

Amanda@Imperfectly Beautiful said...

That is hilarious! I love it. And I will be one of those used up bodies with a Dr. Pepper in hand sliding in sideways!!!

p.s. You asked about my flip flops. I wish I could say I made them, but I'm not that talented. The brand name is Yellow Box. They're sold locally, but I'm sure you could google it. Good luck!

Amanda Mae said...

I absolutely LOVE House!

I love the question about chocolate and the answer being cocoa beans are a veggie, and the one about swimming being good for your figure ;o) Cute!

Heather said...

OH, OH, OH....I just left Jenny's site......YAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! How far along is she??? I am sooooo happy. I'll keep her in my prayers.

~ from The Letter Writer ~

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